Artful Evil Read online

  We went down in a spinning heap, holding our heads where our skulls had impacted like a couple of under-ripe pumpkins. Alex appeared from the far side of a concrete rail and took in the spectacle.

  “Sir, are you all right?” Alex passed me by without so much as a glance and did her best to help the other man to his feet. He wore a power jogging suit, black and grey with red pin stripes, and had a headband to match. His shoes looked like they had come fresh out of the box, and some sort of white plastic seemed to drip out of his ears like weird, white earrings.

  The jogger staggered to his feet and eyed his surroundings, trying to figure out what happened. “Where did that guy come from? I didn’t even see him standing there before I ...” He made a slapping motion with his hands.

  I managed to find my feet as well, without any help from Alex. “Sorry about that. I was bird watching off the trail there, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention. Those yellow-headed warblers will get ya every time. You know what I’m saying, right?”

  Alex and the jogger both blinked at me, then Alex turned her attention back to the jogger. “My brother’s a little slow. I take him out for walks, but sometimes he gets away from me. We all love him, though. He’s family, after all. I’m awfully sorry.”

  Alex offered the jogger a sympathetic smile, then she pointed him down the path and gave him a little shove. “I don’t want to keep you. Have a nice afternoon.”

  She waved as the jogger shudder-stepped into an awkward run again. He waved back, adjusted his drippy earrings, and loped away, power jogging suit and all.

  We watched him go for a few seconds, then Alex hurried over to me in a rush. “What is wrong with you? We were supposed to land under the bridge, not on it.”

  She pointed to where she had emerged from around a concrete rail moments earlier. I looked over and understanding dawned on my addled brain.

  “I wondered why we were landing out in the open like this.” I motioned to the jogging path as though it were just then apparent that any number of people could have seen me appear out of thin air. “Seemed a little irresponsible on your part, if I’m being honest.”

  Alex jabbed me in the arm. “It wouldn’t have been irresponsible if you had landed where I told you. No one looks under a bridge.”

  “Apparently, you have never seen a movie featuring a homeless person ... or a real homeless person.”

  Alex groaned.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’ll try to do better, I promise.”

  “One of these days, you are going to get hit by a car, or worse, a train.” She smirked.

  “You are very funny today.”

  “I know.” Her smile widened. “So where are we going?”

  I looked around, trying to gain my bearings, and saw that our landing point had put us less than two blocks from our destination. “We don’t have to walk very far. My supplier is right around the corner from Simeon’s building.”

  Alex opened her mouth in that way that said she was about to shout something hurtful, but I held up a hand to stop her.

  “No visits. Just giving you a frame of reference, that’s all.”

  I pointed to the sign on the building next to us.

  Alex read it, snapped her mouth shut, opened it again, and it stayed that way as she stared back at me again.

  “You can say it. I’m a genius.”

  Alex glanced back at the sign and read aloud, “Denver School for the Blind? Are you kidding me?”

  “Where else could I find a place where no one would see the sodas disappearing? Come on. The receiving area’s around back.”

  I hurried around the building before Alex could ask any other questions, making my way to a small receiving dock area. A thin man with dark skin and thinning whips of grey on his head moved boxes with a dolly, stacking school supplies into neat sections. His clothes looked a little too big for him, and he wore thick tinted glasses even though he was inside the dimly lit building. He always had one gloved hand out in front of him and took steps a little shorter than seemed natural, but he never wavered or hesitated in his movements.

  “Hey, Ernie.” I called out his name loud and clear long before we got to the dock, letting him know we were coming. He turned in our direction but didn’t quite face us and offered a wave.

  “That you, Gabe?”

  Alex eyed me in question for a second before she came to the logical answer on her own.

  Ernie held out a hand, a little too early, but I hurried forward and took it, shaking his hand in greeting.

  “This is my friend, Alex.”

  He let go and reached out to shake her hand as well. “Sorry about the mess. I’ve been redecorating around here but haven’t gotten the place looking the way I like it quite yet.”

  I laughed, and Alex let out an uncomfortable chuckle.

  “I’m sorry. Just trying to lighten the moment. I like to make jokes to keep people from freaking out.” He leaned toward Alex and pointed toward his eyes, “You know because I’m ... old.”

  This time, Alex laughed in spite of herself.

  “So, what can I do for you? Or did you come by to show off your pretty friend? She’s way out of your league. I’m blind, and I can still tell you that.”

  This time I was the one feeling uncomfortable.

  “Gee, thanks, Ernie. And after I set you up with all that free soda.”

  “Hey, I just call ‘em like I see ‘em.”

  Alex snorted out another laugh. “You need to take this act on the road.”

  Ernie smiled. “Naw. I like it here. No one here to bother me, and the view is amazing.” He motioned to a cinderblock wall.

  I shook my head and laughed again. “All right. Stop trying to impress the girl. I just stopped by to see how things were going with the shipments.”

  Ernie smiled. “Everything is going great. Your guy comes by once a week. I always set aside the cases you asked for. Put them in the locker over there like you asked me to.” I walked outside to the dock and opened the doors to a heavy, metal locker sitting near the building. It was big enough to hold several cases of soda. Alex walked in behind me and spotted the transporter in the bottom. She didn’t say anything, but she shook her head in understanding.

  “I still don’t understand why your friend insists on all the cloak and dagger stuff, but he comes and empties out the locker sometime when nobody’s here. I still haven’t seen the guy.”

  “The jokes never stop rolling with you,” I said, clapping him on the shoulder.

  “A smile is all I ask in return.”

  “I’m sure you get plenty of them,” Alex said.

  “Let me know if you run into any trouble or need more soda. I’ll make sure they keep you stocked up.”

  I nodded toward the door, and Alex headed in that direction.

  “I will, and thanks again. Stop by anytime. It’s always nice to see a friendly face.”

  I chuckled again as he waved goodbye and went out the door.

  “What a nice guy.” Alex grinned. “Although, I am not sure how I feel about you exploiting his disability to supply Dan’s bar.”

  I did my best to look aghast. “I am not exploiting anyone. He sets aside part of a delivery, and in return, his school gets a sizable donation of sodas. Pretty much all they can drink.”

  “And how did you manage to arrange that? Last time I checked, The Judas Agency wasn’t handing out expense accounts. How do you pay for all of this?”

  I shrugged. “Turns out the regional distribution manager had a side thing going with a woman his wife doesn’t know about. His old business partner is a fellow resident in The Nine. I paid him two Twinkies for some sensitive information, and next thing you know, The Denver School for the Blind has all the soda they can drink.”

  Alex shook her head. “Blackmail for good not evil.”

  “I guess that depends on your point of view.”

  “Looks pretty Robbin Hood to me.”

  We were headed up the block to the Splice
point on the bridge again when someone bumped into me on the street. I turned to excuse myself and realized Alex had stopped. Her hand was inside her coat, ready to draw her gun. My head snapped to the guy who had now turned to look at us. When I saw his face, I all but fell over. It was Jake Trento, a rogue Judas Agent who had crossed our path in a bad way during my first mission with Alex. Now he faced us down out of nowhere with the living everywhere on the street.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Alex and I had foiled a plan to spread a virus across the planet that would have pretty much ended all life as we knew it. A plan Jake had been assigned to carry out by The Judas Agency. We had discredited Jake, killed his partner, and gotten away with the whole thing in the process. Jake hadn’t been seen since.

  Alex went for her gun, then must have realized it would do her no good. Topside injuries didn’t matter much to a Niner. We healed instantly unless the wound was inflicted by one of our manifested powers—that, or a shower from above. I didn’t have a rainwater grenade, so it was down to my fists and Alex’s fire power. Not much compared to Jake’s ability to control insects. He could call down a maelstrom of stinging, biting—or just downright creepy—soldiers in a matter of seconds.

  Jake eyed the two of us, looking from one to the other and back again. He raised his hands to the sky, and I braced for a tidal wave of spider wielding hornets. Alex started to lunge, but Jake straightened and took a step back at the last minute.

  “Hold on.” He put his arms back down to his sides and snorted out a laugh. “I’m just kidding around guys. Jeez, learn to take a joke.”

  Alex glanced over at me, looking as unsure as I was about how to react. When Jake came in for a hug, I thought Alex might lay him out anyway.

  “Come on, relax. We’re on the same team, remember?”

  “Not really,” I said. “I remember you being on team Murder the World.”

  Jake clapped me on the back, ignoring my statement and took us in. “You two look great. What are you guys doing here? You up top for a mission?”

  Confused, I scrutinized him, still trying to get a handle on the new and improved Jake Trento. “No offense, but the last time we saw each other, the three of us weren’t all that, you know ... chummy.”

  “Don’t worry about all of that.” Jake waved off our stormy past with his hand. “I’m a new man. I don’t even think about all that Judas Agency nonsense anymore.”

  I peered at him closer. He still wore his old camouflage fatigues and hat, but he had straightened the flag on his shoulder. His hair wasn’t short, but it had definitely seen a barber. And that wasn’t all. Something else seemed off. He wore bandages. One peeked out from under his hat and another on his ear ... The more I looked, the more I saw gauze wrapping, tape, and band aids pasted all over his body. His hands were wrapped in several places with athletic tape, and despite the warm day, he wore his sleeves down to cover his arms, making me wonder what else was all bound up like Christmas packaging.

  Alex took a step forward surveying Jake for herself. “You’ve been missing since ...”

  “Yeah, that whole Olympics mess. I’m over it though.”

  She eyed the bandages and wrappings, then her eyes went wide, and she stepped back.

  “You weren’t missing. You never went back.”

  Jake smiled and pressed a finger to his nose. I swore the skin moved a little more than it should, but Jake didn’t seem to notice.

  “I’ve been living it up here in the real world.” He glanced at a bar sign in the window next to us. “Let me buy you both a drink, and I’ll tell you all about it.”

  He walked between the two of us and jerked the door open before we could refuse. I looked at Alex. “I don’t know about you, but I am dying to hear this story.”

  “We’re already dead.” Alex shrugged. “Might as well hear what he has to say.”

  I opened the door and held it for her as she walked inside. Jake had found us a table and lined up three shots of a fiery, brown liquid as he sat down.

  He raised up a glass as we took our seats next to him, and the three of us cheered and shot back the drink. Bourbon ... with emphasis on the burn. I marveled at the flavor and wondered if it would regain its medicinal qualities now that we were Topside.

  As if reading my mind Jake said, “Just so you know, this stuff has all the octane it should, so be careful. Too much of the happy juice will leave you a bit legless, if you know that I mean.”

  Jake leaned to the side and waved to the bartender in direct contradiction to his warning. “Three more, if you please.”

  The bartender nodded and began working on three more bourbon bombs.

  “Staying up here is the best decision I have ever made. I smoke, drink, eat, have sex, anything I want. It’s all like it should be.”

  The bartender brought our drinks and swooped up the empties. We were pretty much his only customers, so he seemed happy to have something to do. Jake held up his glass and grinned. “To old friends, both alive and dead.” Then he shot back the second bourbon like it was honeyed milk.

  “Take it easy there,” I said. “We’re not running a race.”

  “Says you.” Alex protested then looked back at Jake. “I don’t mean to be indelicate, but, look at yourself. You’re falling apart. You know ...” She lowered her voice to a harsh whisper. “Woebegone can’t just stay up here. Things start ... happening.”

  Jake slammed his hand down on the table, and I noticed something bounce on the wood. At first, I thought he lost a coin—a nickel or maybe a wayward potato chip—but then I saw that it was something else. A thumbnail. Not just part of one. The whole thing hopping around in the middle of our table like some kind of Mexican jumping bean.

  I turned my head and fought to keep myself from retching while Jake scooped it off the table and put the wayward nail into his pocket. “Sorry about that. I’ll superglue it back on later.”

  “Superglue?” My voice shrieked the word out a little too loud. I calmed myself then continued. “How many things have you glued back on?”

  Jake laughed. “A few fingernails, my earlobe. If I’m being honest that whole sex thing was a lie. I had to—”

  “I don’t want to know.” I held up both of my hands, cutting him off before he could offer any more details.

  “Don’t you see?” Jake leaned in as if he had learned the secret to the fountain of youth. “None of this matters. I have a second chance to live, and I’m not going to waste it.”

  “Yes, but all of this is ...” Alex motioned to the ruined state of his body. “Well, it’s permanent. When you die up here, and you will, you’ll go back to The Nine and be reborn in the Gnashing Fields ... except all of this sticks with you for eternity. And it will only get worse. You will rot away bit by bit until there is nothing left but an excruciating monster. Don’t do this to yourself.”

  I threw back my second shot, grateful to process this reality with a little fermented assistance.

  Jake held up a finger and smiled. “I may have a solution to that little problem too. If it works, I could reverse all this damage or at least stop it from getting any worse. Any chance is better than no chance at all.”

  Alex downed her shot and stared at him. “You had your chance. We all did, and now we work with what we’ve got. Don’t do this to yourself anymore.”

  Jake got up and winked at us both. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. In the meantime, you two take care. It was great seeing you again.”

  Jake headed for the door and just before he got there he turned around. “Oh, one last thing. I didn’t pay for those drinks. Make sure you tip your bartender on your way out.”

  Jake cackled and scrambled away. I turned my head, not wanting to see if he left any body parts hanging on the handle on his way out.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Alex and I stumbled out of the bar an hour and several shots later. After Jake had left us hanging with the tab, we had to get creative. We had no cash, and the First Bank of Lucife
r wasn’t into free credit. The bar didn’t have many patrons, but as it turned out, one was enough. Alex befriended a guy sitting alone at one of the side tables. He wanted someone interesting to hang out and drink with, and we were glad to oblige.

  We fascinated him with stories of the afterlife, and he kept buying shots to make our stories all the more palatable to his unwitting ear. All said, The Nine’s new Scared Straight program seemed to be a resounding success, at least until he slept it all off in the morning.

  “Hold up.” Alex plopped onto a sidewalk bench and put her hand up. “Hang on, I need to sit down for a sec. My head is a little...” She moved her finger in a circle. “Um... a little...spinny.” She laughed.

  I stood and watched her, unsure how to deal with drunk Alex. The drinks had hit me too, giving me a nice buzz, but they clearly had gotten to her more.

  She patted the bench. “Come. Sit.”

  I did as she asked.

  “Isn’t this nice? The fresh air. The blue sky.” She let out a breath.

  We sat in silence for a few minutes enjoying the moment.

  “Do you... I mean, did you have any smothers or sisters?” She snorted. “Brothers and ... smisters.” She bumped my shoulder with hers. “You know what I mean.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, and yes, I have... had, a younger sister. She died when we were kids.”

  Alex turned toward me and pressed her lips together in sympathetic frown. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that.”

  “It’s okay.”

  Alex looked away again and sighed. “I’ll bet you miss her.”

  “I do.”

  “I miss my brother too.” She leaned her head on my shoulder and sighed again. “I hate being dead.”

  I tensed at the initial contact, but my chemical inhibition made me relax again, and I just went with it.

  “Have I ever told you what a great partner you are?” she asked.

  “No ... never.” I chuckled. “In fact, it’s usually quite the opposite.”

  “Well, you are.” She patted my leg and then left her hand on my thigh. “We should come Topside more often.”